The End of The First Year

It has come to my attention that the last time I made a blog post was back in July... Holy crap! Forever ago! So much has happened since then.

My happy dance came to an abrupt end in October when my PET Scan showed that my tumor was growing again. In fact, the tumor was every bit as big, if not bigger, than what it was when I was originally diagnosed. Additionally, a new spot was discovered on the right lung as well.. The good news, this time, my left lung remains clear.....

Coming into November, my oncologist put me on a new treatment. I'm able to take my chemo this time by an oral pill. Yay... no stinking shot....!!!! 150 mg pill once a day, has to be taken an hour before on an empty stomach or two hours after eating... Crap... had to rearrange how I was taking my pills.... Acne... they say I'll have acne like what I had when I was a teen.... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

They LIED!!!!! I NEVER had acne this bad!!!! OH MY GOD!!! I was miserable... in pain... acne on my chest... in my ears... in my hair... on my butt... yes, you read that right.... and my face... OOOOOOOOOh..... it was NOT fun! I ended up taking myself off of the pill... for two weeks... I did go in and see the oncologist... who want me to remain on the pill... but did put me on a lower dose instead... I ended up losing a day and I was concerned as to whether or not I'd be able to pull off Thanksgiving.... Which I did.... it actually turned out beautifully....

It's been over two weeks now... I did stop this pill for 2 days because I had another breakout starting up... Yay, by the third day, things had backed off and I returned to taking my pill...

So my journey isn't over, not by a long shot. I hope you continue along with me... because I don't know about you, but I sure appreciate the company, the support, the prayers.... and well... YOU! From the bottom of my heart.... THANK YOU!!  If you look at the headers above...  ^ You'll see that there is a new tab... It says Year 2 ~ The Fight Continues... If you click on it, it will take you to a new page where I will still be chronicling my journey. Hugs friends and family. I can feel the love!

Happy Dancing!

Tomorrow will be 7 weeks since my last round of chemo. My hair is coming back... I look like Fuzzy Wuzzy..... I can't wait to see what my hair will look like... Every day I scrutinize myself... yes.. the fuzz isn't so light now... Yes, my hair is soft... My kids will come up to me and rub my head....

"Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear... " they say...  "Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair..." they continue...  "Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he??" I finish with a grin.... Think I'm going to tell them to stop? lol, heck NO! I'm getting a scalp massage..... It's heavenly!!!

So last Thursday I went for a new PET scan.... This morning, my oncologist gave me a call....  "Your PET scan is looking great"  she says....  I hold my breath...

"Yes" she continues, "I'm really happy..  The tumor in your right lung has shrunk even more"...  When I started this journey, I had an 8.2 centimeter tumor on my right lung... Today, my doctor tells me that it has shrunk to 6 centimeters...  WOOHOO!!!

I am starting to do the "Happy Dance"!  But that's not all, my doctor says...  The spot on your left lung.... which was .7 centimeters at the beginning.. Had shrunk to .4 centimeters after my 4th round of chemo...  is gone... Yes, you read that right.... For the sake of being boring....

I'll repeat myself...

The cancer in my left lung.... Is GONE!!!!! WHOOT! WHOOT! WHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forget the Happy Dance! I'm Tap Dancing on the ceiling!!! Thank you GOD!!  Thank YOU everyone for all your thoughts and prayers... It is working!!!!

Now 'scuse me.... I have some more dancing to do!!

~Karin aka SISU!

Me, Myself and I

Last night I was able to have a much needed, long overdo, conversation with myself. It was then that I realized... I have 3 voices in my head...Me, Myself and I.... and I have missed talking with them and listening to their thoughts.. Am I crazy...?..... Not at all... I even answered myself a few times... because you see; I am my own best friend... I like and I am very comfortable with myself. Besides, who knows me best, but Me, Myself and I!? Plus, I didn't want to hear someones opinion,  what their thoughts are or any ideas... Nope, not this time.. This time I needed to hear me... Just me, myself and I....

Yes, I came to some decisions, decisions that I've looked at or briefly thought about, but I really forced myself to face some things in my conversation. And then it was like >>>>> Squirrel >>>>  and the next thing I knew,  my thoughts would take me in a totally new direction.

 This is my oldest daughter.... She got her tattoo last night and this is what she said: New tattoo. For my mom, auntie, and grandpa. My hereos. White ribbon is for lung cancer, purple is for against domestic abuse. Says "No one fights alone."


Which led me to dwell on the word "hero". I'm not a hero. A hero, by definition, is someone who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. You know, like a firefighter or a police officer or a soldier... Someone who deliberately signs up to put their life on the line... That is NOT me... I'm selfish... there isn't any freaking way that I would ever sign up for those careers... There isn't any way I would EVER sign up to have cancer... HELL NO!!! Selfish, that would be me... So in getting through this diagnosis, I am merely doing what needs to be done... Which is why is felt so good to have that conversation with Me, Myself and I. Not surprisingly... We were all in agreement.

My advice...? Don't look back with regrets... look back and take the lessons learned.... I'm facing the unknown and what lies before me... I'm not looking to the past... Been there, done that... I need to know what's coming next.. and maybe... somewhere in my future, I can get another tattoo... But that's on hold as long as I'm on the maintenance portion of my treatment, which unfortunately, can be forever..... But you know what?.... We're perfectly okay with that!

LAST ONE and DONE!!!!!!

Last week I saw my oncologist... I was soooooo happy, all my blood work came back looking great! All set to go into my last round of chemo.... Doc asked me how I was feeling.... I looked at her stupidly... "With my hands", I replied.... "I'm curious... how do YOU feel"?.... ahahahahahahaha! I couldn't help myself.. I was giddy! I was happy!! I was EXCITED!!! and I told her so... "I can't wait!!!" I said... "I can't wait to see when my hair will grow back... I can't wait to see what my hair will look like.." Laughing, she told me that I probably wouldn't know much until more towards the end of Summer.. "That's okay," I said... "I'll be watching... and waiting...."

I practically skipped out of the room that day, got into the elevator.... I was the only one in there.... Pushed the button for the first floor... Or did I?.... I waited... could have sworn that stinking elevator went down... The elevator stopped...  or so I thought; doors opened... and out I skip~ um walked... right back on the second floor... I'm still confused, I really swear that elevator went down!!!! and geesh... did I feel like an idiot.... and KNOW that I looked like one!!

This is it!! Today I'm done with chemo!! WOOHOO!!!! .....Because I'm happy ....Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth...Because I'm happy... Clap along if you know what happiness is to you........ Yup! I love that song!! and... best of all... That means that tomorrow is my last stinking shot! Have I mentioned? I HATE THAT SHOT!!!

First Round of Chemo: February 12, 2014

Day 105: Sixth and Final Round of Chemo


Final Round of Chemo: May 28, 2014

Day 1: No Hair Yet!!!

George and Gilbert Update

So if you check back to one of my earlier posts, I tell the story of George and Gilbert...They're my plants that a friend of mine told me to tend to.... that they would be a part of my healing...

Let me tell you about Gilbert... He's one bad seed for sure... I waited patiently for a month... watering him... but nothing... then I bought some new seeds and planted them.... and waited... and nothing.... Then one day here recently, I looked at Gilbert... Holy Cow! He's sprouting... now... at this point... I can't remember what the original seeds were... the second set of seeds that I planted are Lavender... So it will be interesting to see what I'm going to get....

As for George.... George was doing great... and I upgraded him to a new pot... George continued to grow, so I again upgraded him to his current pot... About a week later... George wasn't looking to good... I felt the soil... Hmmm, not wet, yet not dry... slightly moist? So I watered him... ah better.... except... George continued to look bad... Well crud...... This has been going on for about three weeks now... George is simply not looking too good...

The other day I was talking to my daughter.... "Mom", she said... "George isn't looking too good....."  "I know" I replied... "I don't get it... I haven't changed my watering habits with him... I just don't understand why George isn't doing well..." I looked at my daughter.... She had a funny look on her face.... "Oooh", she said... "I've been watering George too..."...   *sigh... well that explains it... Poor George is getting a wee bit too much water.... Last night my son chimes in... "Mom, how come your plant looks awful... I've been watering him... but it isn't helping.... "  WHAT!!!!!! Both my daughter and I spun around to look at my son... WELL CRAP!!! No wonder George looks horrible.... We're drowning him!!!! It's a wonder he hasn't died!!!!!!  That's it... I quit watering George... I told the kids to decide which one of them was going to water George... and as for me... I'll just continue to talk to George and ask him to please not die.... I'll even give him a life saver if that will help!!!!

Rounds 4 and 5

As I sit here typing the title... Rounds 4 and 5... it makes me think of being in a boxing match... and I guess in a sense I am... In one corner... Me... in the other corner, Cancer... Who will win?? Well of course in my mind... I win every time! It's been a while since I've posted... I've been spending my time regrouping and focusing.. I was approved for disability, had a new CT which shows that my tumor has shrunk somewhat. Those are great things..

I have one more round of chemo to go.. then I'll go on an every three week maintenance plan where I'll receive one of my chemo drugs... My doc feels that the tumor will continue shrinking, so that's great news as well... I cried when I received my letter that said I would receive disability... Through my tears I wailed... "The government thinks I'm going to die.." But as I continued reading my letter I came to a point where it said that I would be re-evaluated in 5-7 years... which at that point I again wailed "but the government thinks I'm going to live another 7 years!!" Lol... Just no pleasing me eh?

 I just want to say that I truly appreciate those of you who are with me on this journey. I appreciate the thoughts, prayers, cards and gifts that you've sent.

Not too mention all your words of encouragement, for drying my tears when they fall... You all help me to continue picking my feet up and keep moving forward. So for now I'll shut up and share with you some selfies... Usually my mom is with me on chemo day but she had something come up and couldn't be with me for last week's chemo. So I ended up taking my picture instead... Peek-A-Boo!

Reflections

So a dear friend put this video on my Facebook page today. It made me cry... it was very humbling to think that I have touched someone in a way that they see me as a strong woman... There are many days that I feel so weak and insecure and questioning... Will I survive this?....  Can I do this?... Why do they think I'm so strong when in truth I'm quaking inside?... and why do I deserve this when at the Cancer Center I see so many more who really appear more stronger to me.... More deserving of admiration....

Like those who come for treatments in wheelchairs. To weak to walk in on their own, looking so frail and sickly... Would I be able to carry on if I were like that?... I'd like to think I would.  There was a man there yesterday, I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him... He was so thin, and pale, you knew he was cold by the thick, heavy afghan that he was covered up with .... and he just had a look on his face that made me want to go over and hug him.... Time and again my eyes kept being drawn to him..  Watching him with his sad expression, staring off into space.... I often wondered what he was thinking about.

Last time I was there for my round of chemo I met this really nice lady. I was working on my color pencil drawing and found that she's an artist as well. We got to talking and ended up exchanging phone numbers. She had to go in for a blood transfusion because her hemoglobin count was so low. I had sent her a couple of texts, to see how she was doing but had never heard from her. We met up again

yesterday and I found out that she had been in the hospital because she had come down with pneumonia. This is her third bout of cancer, the first time she had it, she was only 14 and was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It was put into remission, but then when she was in her 20's, she was diagnosed with a different type of cancer. Now at 50, her Hodgkin's is back. She looks so tired, I met her sister yesterday and her sister says that this one is taking so much out of her. It shows.... Now she... she is my hero....

And if you're in the mood to read about another hero, please, check out Jamie's Warrior Page. You'll find the link off to the right side of my blog. Another little lady truly deserving of admiration......

My life force.... Yes what you see is a part of my treatment.... Like a little electric car plugged in for a recharge.... Little toxins that you hope will kill off the cancer and keep you going... Can you feel it going into you?... Can you feel the tumor shrinking?... the cancer cells dying off?... I like to think I can..... Hmmm, now I sound like the little engine that could... I think I can, I think I can........  Yes indeed, I know I can!!!

So my mom took another picture today... My treatments hadn't started as of yet... but we grabbed the window seat to bask in the early morning sun... It was heavenly.... too bad it was so cold outside yet, deceiving to say the least. But, I was enjoying the warmth of the sun non-the-less.... I must say, I am excited... 3 treatments down and 3 to go... AND...
and after my next treatment, I get to go back for new scans to see what's happening... With the way that I've been feeling... I have high hopes that we're going to see a positive change!

Today I'm getting ready for the dreaded shot... I hate that damn thing... It's makes me feel blah... achey... my only consolation is that it only lasts for a day or two and then I'm good to go... I feel so bad for the people who have it hit them hard... so I'll not complain....

As always, thank you so much for your support, you haven't any idea of how much it means to me. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog... and add your comments or send a prayer... I truly appreciate you all!  Love and Hugs..... Karin

Another Selfie Kind of Day.......

What a sneaky little lady Miss Nina Kratky Ford is!  A week or so ago I get a message from Miss Nina... she asks for my address and then wanted to know whether I had pierced ears or not... Uh I do... two holes in each ear as a matter of fact... But I haven't worn earrings in years.... seriously... I'm talking years here.... I didn't even know if the holes were still open or not...

So today... I go get the mail... Hmmmm, what's this... a package... from Cay.... I get home and open it up... OH MY! A head scarf!  and... OWLS!!!!  I giggled... I cried!!  and then... wait... what else.... OOOOOOH.... earrings! OWLS!!!!  I continued giggling and crying... My youngest thought I was crazy!   Went into the bathroom... cleaned my ears... cleaned my earrings... found a second pair of earrings...Holy crap! The holes are still there!!! Put in earrings...  Put on my scarf...  (still have to work at getting it right )... but... it was then time for a ..... SELFIE!!!!!!  lol, I confess... I really hate having my picture taken... no matter if by my hands or someone else...

So anyway... here it is.,.. Now I look like a gypsy lady... a fat gypsy lady though.... Holy crap! I take awful pictures.... But... I won't complain anymore.... because... at least I'm ALIVE to have a picture taken!!!  lol 

Thank you Cay, you made my day!!!  Love you!!!!! 

March 10

They say that good friends are the family that you choose... I firmly believe this! I met Cary Ryerson while we were attending UM~ Flint... We had several art classes together... Cary and I graduated in 2004 and he has since moved to Oregon with his partner Robert C. Goble... They are my family, they are my brothers and I miss them terribly.... Cary is quite the knitter and when he found out about my diagnosis... He

promptly made me two hats... I love them!!! So of course... I just had to do a selfie! Thank You Cary! I sure love you, Robert and Charlotte... and when this is all behind me... I am coming out to see you and your new digs!!!!

Round 2 ~ Is it a KO?

 March 2

The hair is falling out big time, not in clumps, but more like shedding here and there. The back of my
sweatshirt looked like a fuzzy sweater and I was losing more hair than any of our animals combined. I was even losing more than the two parakeets who are molting!

So my mom, who came over for dinner, grabbed the scissors and started cutting my hair.... "It will be easier to shave" she said.  Of course after she was done, she just HAD to grab her Kindle and take a picture....

"HOLY CRAP MOM! I look like a CANCER PATIENT!!!............   Oh wait.... I AM a cancer patient.....   *sigh.... "

March 5

Chemo Day! Round 2.... Two down and Four

to go! YAY!  I feel great! I'm ready to go
out dancing...! I am dreading getting that
stinking shot tomorrow.......; *sigh....

Mom came with me again... and yes... she
took another picture... And yes... she was
just as chatty... "I'm shy" she tells people
and then proceeds to talk.. and talk.. and
.... well, you get the idea...

So I'm sitting there, playing on my
Kindle Fire... My mom has disappeared,15 minutes
pass, no mom....Half an hour passes...still no mom...
At the 45 minute mark, I get a message from mom on
Facebook..."Sisu, are you still there?" she types.   "Ah
yea", I type back... "Where are you?" "Oh", she types,
"sitting on the other side of the post, talking to these
people..."  *sigh... Did I mention? My Mom is
Chatty Kathy?????.........

Selfie!!!!!!!

Took another selfie today.... Had to show you. I CAN have BED HEAD yet and I have the picture to prove it!!!!!  Do you realize just how hard it is to untangle those tassels in the morning??????..... Just saying....

And..... what a weird morning this morning was... Alarm starts ringing... I wake up... Alarm goes off... I put on my glasses, grab my phone and head for the bathroom...

Go pee, wash my hands... brush my teeth... and...the alarm goes off... wait.. that's not my alarm... It's hubby's... I grab my phone and look at the time... *sigh... It's 3:45 am.. my alarm is set for 6:50 am... *sigh... I crawled back in bed...

Woke up again... my youngest has come into my bathroom.... After she leaves, I stumble to the bathroom... pee again.... wash my hands again....  brush my teeth again... get the rest of my clothes together that I didn't get together the first time I was up.... Wait... why hasn't my alarm gone off??? I grab my phone... again... look at the time... WTH???  It's 5:57 am... I still have almost an hour to sleep...

Alarm FINALLY goes off.... I go to the bathroom.... pee AGAIN....wash hands... AGAIN....  brush my teeth... AGAIN.... Geez, I have the cleanest teeth and hands  in town today.....!!!!  

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow........

So the day has finally come.... the hair is leaving...  Does it bother me....? Naaaaah..... I have always hated working on my hair, it seems to me that it has always had a mind of it's own. It does what it wants to do. For me to get it to do what I want... I have to use a ton of gel and hair spray....  Then I become woman with the iron hair... a dangerous woman if I could ever figure out how to use it against someone...
So I decided to come up with two top ten lists. The first list is why I won't miss having my hair, the second list will be what I miss about not having hair.

10 Reasons Why I Don't Miss My Hair

10. Can polish my head and send signals

 9.  Can get a tattoo on my head
 8.  Can paint my head to match my outfit
 7.  I can now style it my way!
 6.  No more gray
 5.  No need for a hair trim every 6 weeks
 4.  No brushing my hair
 3.  Don't have to use hairspray
 2.  Don't have to use a gel
 1.  NO BED HEAD!

10 Reasons Why I Miss My Hair

10. See Reason #1
  9. See Reason #1
  8. See Reason #1
  7. See Reason #1
  6. See Reason #1
  5. See Reason #1
  4. See Reason #1
  3. See Reason #1
  2. See Reason #1
  1. SEE OTHER LIST!

Be Strong, Stay Positive

Don't give up,

Don't give in.
Don't let the fear & negativity win.

I've already become a statistic with my diagnosis. I refuse to add to that statistic by succumbing to this disease. Instead, I'll become the survival rate statistic. Sounds much better no?

Lung Cancer does not define who I am,
It is merely a part of who I am.
A survivor is a part of who I have become.

Jamie's Motto.....Some See A Hopeless End, While Others See Endless Hope.

A Day in the Life of the Toxic Dump

February 17

A day in the life of the Toxic Dump: ( May be offensive to some, read at your own peril) 

So today I went to see my family doctor to get my scripts renewed.... "Been getting lots of reports on you", he said... "How are you doing?" Ooooooh, Dr. P..... Where do I begin....? "My blood pressure clocked in at 112/84", I say.. "That's good," he replied... Ya well, riddle me this Batman... "How come when I have my BP checked at the Cancer Center, it's always high...?" He never gave me an answer to that one... The shot...  let me tell you about the shot..... The shot I say is horrendous... I felt great after chemo... felt great the next day... until late that afternoon... when I got the shot... That's when it all went to hell, I tell him with tears in my eyes.... Heart burn... the heart burn is horrible... horrendous... Everything I eat stops at the boobs... "What?" he says... " Everything I eat stops at the boobs" I reply slowly and clearly... "Food... stop at the boobs... Water... stops at the boobs... My pills... Yup... stops at the boobs... and there it sits... everything at the boobs... It took me a freaking half hour last night to choke down a banana... and guess where it stopped??? The BOOBS!!! I swear... If I could just pull on a boob to open the flood gate and let everything go down... I'd be a happy girl... " My poor doctor... He looked like he didn't know whether he should laugh or cry.... 

Two weeks ago, I continue... they weighed me at the CC... well crud... I had gained 3 pounds... Today I get weighed... and guess what...? I've lost 4 pounds... Now how can that be? I'm also constipated...! I tell him, "I bet that 4 pounds is more likely closer to 10 pounds... but remember... I have everything still sitting at the boobs... and... how in the heck CAN I be constipated when everything is sitting at the boobs... ?? What??? What?, I say... oh yea, that's the crickets I hear chirping... I took Milk of Magnesia last night, I tell him... Tummy's cramping... it's sooooooo close... but NOOOOOOoo, not yet... Let me tell you... when it finally breaks loose, I'm gonna rival NASA... I know I"m gonna lift off... Why.... I'd wager a guess that I could even launch a satellite for them....!" I tell him I keep checking my belly button... "Why's that?" he asks... "Because, I reply... If something doesn't give here soon, I'm pretty sure it's going to start oozing out the belly button.... " Might I say, he looked at me like I was a bit daft in the head??? Anyway, he wrote my scripts out... including one for heart burn... and.... Drinking water is good for you I'm told. It helps wash everything through. I'm drinking so much water... holy crap... I pee clear... Why, I'm drinking so much water that I'm going to be declared the sixth great lake!!!!! 

This is my story... and I'm sticking to it.......

First Round

February 13

Okay... first round of chemo was yesterday... I was exhausted last night... but... I slept horribly the night before... Last night, I had a slight headache... and that was it... I did take a pill for nausea even though I felt fine... I woke up this morning... slight headache was even slighter... did have a very very slight feeling of upset tummy... debated on taking a pill and decided not to. Had a bowl of cheerios with fresh bananas and blueberries... sweetened with a bit of honey...Have dropped sugar from my diet... which was easy as I've never been a big sweets eater to begin with... I have noticed that I have a funny tasting burp... but other than that... nada... Soooo, keep sending those good thoughts my way,
they're obviously working!!! Much love to all, Karin

February 12

So my mother is Chatty Kathy..( remember that doll? ) anyway, the woman sitting next to my mom was taking her hubby's picture... Been documenting his journey... That's who I'm looking at as I'm waiting for my 1st round of chemo to get started... Oh great... Just had to say that lady... thanks...thanks a lot!... My mom thought that was a great idea and the next thing I know... She's snapping all kinds of pictures of me from her Kindle... Really Mom????.... Really????.... So, seeing as how you all have been so kind as to accompany me on my journey... the very least I can do is share this with you.... Hmmmm... maybe next chemo session, I'll have to throw my arms up in the air signifying this roller coaster ride eh? lol WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

A BOOHOO Day

February 7

Update: Yesterday was my BOOHOO, Oh pitiful me day... You're looking at a person who rarely goes to see a doctor.. So this intense schedule of doctors and or tests has been frustrating AND annoying... So as I said.. It was just a BOOHOO kind of day... Today... I'm soooo over that... it is what it is... So.... next week, Monday morning I have my port installed... Tuesday afternoon I meet with the Chemo nurses to discuss the procedure, Wednesday is my first round of Chemo...

I met with the social worker... her services are free... I also met with the nutritionist, she is also a free service... Got lots of information from her... I don't eat enough fruits or veggies... that's probably my biggest downfall... So what fruits do you eat?, she asked... Um, I like bananas, blueberries, strawberries, red and black raspberries... That's great, she says... how about oranges? Uh, no... Apples? Again I shake my head no... Grapes... eh.. they're okay I guess, I reply... Pears? Oh HELL NO! I say! My sister... who went with me... asks if I like Peaches.... Umm, I like Peach Schnapps... does that count? I asked.... They thought that was hilarious.... I was freaking serious!!!!!! *sigh..... My sister said she was going to go to mom and tell on me....

After the meeting with the social worker... she directed me to the receptionist at the front desk... Started chit chatting with her... Let's see, by the time I left... I had filled out a form for a voucher for a free wig... Signed up for a yoga class...also free.... and hey.. I've always wanted to look like a pretzel anyways... Signed up for a "Look Good, Feel Better" class... They teach us make up tricks and how to look healthy instead of looking like a cancer patient...  Not only is the class free... but I get a free make up kit too.... ( although honestly, I'd be tickled pink with clown make up! lol )

After being at the cancer center for a couple of hours... my sister and I finally got to leave... as we were driving away I told my sister that Tuesday when I go in... I'm going to have to tell everyone there to stop being so stinking nice... It almost makes having a cancer diagnosis... good... Seriously though... it is a great place and I am sooooo glad that that is where I go!

Hugs to all....
Karin

So the rest of my BOOHOO story... Have to take my daughter today to the doctor... Since Sunday she hasn't been feeling all that great... Last night at her winterguard practice... She spoke like a dummy... No, she's not dumb... I mean like a dummy that sits on your lap..a ventriloquist kind of dummy... She has a major sore throat going on.... Yay.... which is just ducky... I get to drive my car to the doctor today, which hasn't a muffler... Because the dumb thing fell off two miles away from practice last night.... Did I mention? We live about 60 miles away from where she has practice at??? My poor guys had to drive back down and pull the muffler off, they looked like two frozen snowmen when they were done... It was COLD.... in the negatives... with a wind chill... We sounded like a freaking tank.... all the way home last night... and now I get to drive a half hour to get to the doctors... sounding like a tank again... Geesh, at this rate... I'm gonna need hearing aides as well.....

A New Old Friend

I gained a new friend on Facebook tonight who really is an old friend from real life and someone that I haven't talked with in years. Turns out, her 13 year old daughter is fighting cancer and like me, has her very own page. So if you'd like to check out a heroic young lady and her family. Here's the link: Jamie's Warrior in Life. But if you look over there on the right side >>>>> you also see her link under my "Great Follows" category...  Thanks!

George and Gilbert

January 22

So a friend told me that connecting to Mother Earth is good for healing... If you have a plant, she said... take more time with it... talk to it... If you don't have a plant, she said... get one... or two... and take time with them...

*sigh... well alrighty then... I didn't have the heart to tell her that my green thumb is really black... That I am capable of killing a cactus... That I don't have any plants because I'm not to be trusted with them.... Oh dear... what to do.... I wondered if mold would count, because I'm really good at growing mold, just ask any leftover in the refrigerator....

Soooooo, today I stopped and bought two plants... One is a little Ivy plant... I introduced him to my family... I will love him and squeeze him and hug him and I shall call him George, I told my family....My girls just looked at me, shook their heads and said I was weird. My son laughed, nice Looney Toon reference Mom, he said. The other plant is a small rock terrarium that I have to start right from seed... Figured I was safe with that one... If it doesn't sprout, I can blame it as bad seeds... Gilbert... His name is Gilbert...

Think I can water them with coffee?????? ....I'll keep you posted as to how well I do with them....

UPDATE: George is still alive! YAY ME!!  On the other hand, nothing from Gilbert... But hey, no news is good news right? Gilbert might just be a shy one... right????

The Naming of "The Toxic Dump"

A friend sent me a message on Facebook, "How's the toxic dump doing today?" she asked (  While in parentheses she says, sorry, just a little dark humor there. )  I started to giggle... "Toxic Dump" it makes me think of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... and their little rat boss Master Splinter... Let's see, there's Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michaelangelo. I guess I can be the fifth mutant ninja turtle... just call me Picasso! ahahahahahahaha! 

The more thought I gave to online journaling, the more I thought about that conversation and why not call my journey "The Toxic Dump"? It just seems so fitting, because seriously, what other disease can you pump yourself full of toxic... to the point of killing you? Get 50+ shades of green just to make you better...?  Which really ties in with my post below.

 January 21

After my pet scan was over, the tech told me that I'd still have radiation in my system. Not a problem she had said, unless I was planning on crossing the border or getting on an airplane and flying.... Nah, I said, I'm just going home... Into my bathroom, with all the lights out... I want to see if I glow... lol, I think that the tech thought I was crazy....

Accept and Let Go

Accept What Is... Let go of What Was... and have faith in What Will Be...

The Diagnosis

January 20

So after some conversations with a few friends, I decided that I may as well come clean and 'fess up....

Just before Christmas, I was diagnosed with Stage 3a lung cancer. For this past month I have been jumping through hoops, having a CT, a biopsy, a PET scan and this coming Thursday I see an oncologist...

Chemo is what has been suggested as my course of treatment.

I am not afraid, I've been down this road with my grandparents. The hardest part, I think, is watching friends and family come to grips with this.

Online I go by Sisu... Sisu is a Finnish word that means gutsy, strong, determined and stubborn... Most definitely me... I intend to live up to my nickname and not only fight but win with every ounce of energy that I have...

The comment I made to a friend is that this is like a roller coaster ride ( and I love roller coasters ) ... Do you know how I ride roller coasters? By throwing my arms up in the air and screaming "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" So, if any of you are interested in coming along for the ride... I appreciate any and all support and prayers...

Karin (aka ~ Sisu )