Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow........

So the day has finally come.... the hair is leaving...  Does it bother me....? Naaaaah..... I have always hated working on my hair, it seems to me that it has always had a mind of it's own. It does what it wants to do. For me to get it to do what I want... I have to use a ton of gel and hair spray....  Then I become woman with the iron hair... a dangerous woman if I could ever figure out how to use it against someone...
So I decided to come up with two top ten lists. The first list is why I won't miss having my hair, the second list will be what I miss about not having hair.

10 Reasons Why I Don't Miss My Hair

10. Can polish my head and send signals

 9.  Can get a tattoo on my head
 8.  Can paint my head to match my outfit
 7.  I can now style it my way!
 6.  No more gray
 5.  No need for a hair trim every 6 weeks
 4.  No brushing my hair
 3.  Don't have to use hairspray
 2.  Don't have to use a gel
 1.  NO BED HEAD!

10 Reasons Why I Miss My Hair

10. See Reason #1
  9. See Reason #1
  8. See Reason #1
  7. See Reason #1
  6. See Reason #1
  5. See Reason #1
  4. See Reason #1
  3. See Reason #1
  2. See Reason #1
  1. SEE OTHER LIST!

Be Strong, Stay Positive

Don't give up,

Don't give in.
Don't let the fear & negativity win.

I've already become a statistic with my diagnosis. I refuse to add to that statistic by succumbing to this disease. Instead, I'll become the survival rate statistic. Sounds much better no?

Lung Cancer does not define who I am,
It is merely a part of who I am.
A survivor is a part of who I have become.

Jamie's Motto.....Some See A Hopeless End, While Others See Endless Hope.

A Day in the Life of the Toxic Dump

February 17

A day in the life of the Toxic Dump: ( May be offensive to some, read at your own peril) 

So today I went to see my family doctor to get my scripts renewed.... "Been getting lots of reports on you", he said... "How are you doing?" Ooooooh, Dr. P..... Where do I begin....? "My blood pressure clocked in at 112/84", I say.. "That's good," he replied... Ya well, riddle me this Batman... "How come when I have my BP checked at the Cancer Center, it's always high...?" He never gave me an answer to that one... The shot...  let me tell you about the shot..... The shot I say is horrendous... I felt great after chemo... felt great the next day... until late that afternoon... when I got the shot... That's when it all went to hell, I tell him with tears in my eyes.... Heart burn... the heart burn is horrible... horrendous... Everything I eat stops at the boobs... "What?" he says... " Everything I eat stops at the boobs" I reply slowly and clearly... "Food... stop at the boobs... Water... stops at the boobs... My pills... Yup... stops at the boobs... and there it sits... everything at the boobs... It took me a freaking half hour last night to choke down a banana... and guess where it stopped??? The BOOBS!!! I swear... If I could just pull on a boob to open the flood gate and let everything go down... I'd be a happy girl... " My poor doctor... He looked like he didn't know whether he should laugh or cry.... 

Two weeks ago, I continue... they weighed me at the CC... well crud... I had gained 3 pounds... Today I get weighed... and guess what...? I've lost 4 pounds... Now how can that be? I'm also constipated...! I tell him, "I bet that 4 pounds is more likely closer to 10 pounds... but remember... I have everything still sitting at the boobs... and... how in the heck CAN I be constipated when everything is sitting at the boobs... ?? What??? What?, I say... oh yea, that's the crickets I hear chirping... I took Milk of Magnesia last night, I tell him... Tummy's cramping... it's sooooooo close... but NOOOOOOoo, not yet... Let me tell you... when it finally breaks loose, I'm gonna rival NASA... I know I"m gonna lift off... Why.... I'd wager a guess that I could even launch a satellite for them....!" I tell him I keep checking my belly button... "Why's that?" he asks... "Because, I reply... If something doesn't give here soon, I'm pretty sure it's going to start oozing out the belly button.... " Might I say, he looked at me like I was a bit daft in the head??? Anyway, he wrote my scripts out... including one for heart burn... and.... Drinking water is good for you I'm told. It helps wash everything through. I'm drinking so much water... holy crap... I pee clear... Why, I'm drinking so much water that I'm going to be declared the sixth great lake!!!!! 

This is my story... and I'm sticking to it.......

First Round

February 13

Okay... first round of chemo was yesterday... I was exhausted last night... but... I slept horribly the night before... Last night, I had a slight headache... and that was it... I did take a pill for nausea even though I felt fine... I woke up this morning... slight headache was even slighter... did have a very very slight feeling of upset tummy... debated on taking a pill and decided not to. Had a bowl of cheerios with fresh bananas and blueberries... sweetened with a bit of honey...Have dropped sugar from my diet... which was easy as I've never been a big sweets eater to begin with... I have noticed that I have a funny tasting burp... but other than that... nada... Soooo, keep sending those good thoughts my way,
they're obviously working!!! Much love to all, Karin

February 12

So my mother is Chatty Kathy..( remember that doll? ) anyway, the woman sitting next to my mom was taking her hubby's picture... Been documenting his journey... That's who I'm looking at as I'm waiting for my 1st round of chemo to get started... Oh great... Just had to say that lady... thanks...thanks a lot!... My mom thought that was a great idea and the next thing I know... She's snapping all kinds of pictures of me from her Kindle... Really Mom????.... Really????.... So, seeing as how you all have been so kind as to accompany me on my journey... the very least I can do is share this with you.... Hmmmm... maybe next chemo session, I'll have to throw my arms up in the air signifying this roller coaster ride eh? lol WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

A BOOHOO Day

February 7

Update: Yesterday was my BOOHOO, Oh pitiful me day... You're looking at a person who rarely goes to see a doctor.. So this intense schedule of doctors and or tests has been frustrating AND annoying... So as I said.. It was just a BOOHOO kind of day... Today... I'm soooo over that... it is what it is... So.... next week, Monday morning I have my port installed... Tuesday afternoon I meet with the Chemo nurses to discuss the procedure, Wednesday is my first round of Chemo...

I met with the social worker... her services are free... I also met with the nutritionist, she is also a free service... Got lots of information from her... I don't eat enough fruits or veggies... that's probably my biggest downfall... So what fruits do you eat?, she asked... Um, I like bananas, blueberries, strawberries, red and black raspberries... That's great, she says... how about oranges? Uh, no... Apples? Again I shake my head no... Grapes... eh.. they're okay I guess, I reply... Pears? Oh HELL NO! I say! My sister... who went with me... asks if I like Peaches.... Umm, I like Peach Schnapps... does that count? I asked.... They thought that was hilarious.... I was freaking serious!!!!!! *sigh..... My sister said she was going to go to mom and tell on me....

After the meeting with the social worker... she directed me to the receptionist at the front desk... Started chit chatting with her... Let's see, by the time I left... I had filled out a form for a voucher for a free wig... Signed up for a yoga class...also free.... and hey.. I've always wanted to look like a pretzel anyways... Signed up for a "Look Good, Feel Better" class... They teach us make up tricks and how to look healthy instead of looking like a cancer patient...  Not only is the class free... but I get a free make up kit too.... ( although honestly, I'd be tickled pink with clown make up! lol )

After being at the cancer center for a couple of hours... my sister and I finally got to leave... as we were driving away I told my sister that Tuesday when I go in... I'm going to have to tell everyone there to stop being so stinking nice... It almost makes having a cancer diagnosis... good... Seriously though... it is a great place and I am sooooo glad that that is where I go!

Hugs to all....
Karin

So the rest of my BOOHOO story... Have to take my daughter today to the doctor... Since Sunday she hasn't been feeling all that great... Last night at her winterguard practice... She spoke like a dummy... No, she's not dumb... I mean like a dummy that sits on your lap..a ventriloquist kind of dummy... She has a major sore throat going on.... Yay.... which is just ducky... I get to drive my car to the doctor today, which hasn't a muffler... Because the dumb thing fell off two miles away from practice last night.... Did I mention? We live about 60 miles away from where she has practice at??? My poor guys had to drive back down and pull the muffler off, they looked like two frozen snowmen when they were done... It was COLD.... in the negatives... with a wind chill... We sounded like a freaking tank.... all the way home last night... and now I get to drive a half hour to get to the doctors... sounding like a tank again... Geesh, at this rate... I'm gonna need hearing aides as well.....

A New Old Friend

I gained a new friend on Facebook tonight who really is an old friend from real life and someone that I haven't talked with in years. Turns out, her 13 year old daughter is fighting cancer and like me, has her very own page. So if you'd like to check out a heroic young lady and her family. Here's the link: Jamie's Warrior in Life. But if you look over there on the right side >>>>> you also see her link under my "Great Follows" category...  Thanks!

George and Gilbert

January 22

So a friend told me that connecting to Mother Earth is good for healing... If you have a plant, she said... take more time with it... talk to it... If you don't have a plant, she said... get one... or two... and take time with them...

*sigh... well alrighty then... I didn't have the heart to tell her that my green thumb is really black... That I am capable of killing a cactus... That I don't have any plants because I'm not to be trusted with them.... Oh dear... what to do.... I wondered if mold would count, because I'm really good at growing mold, just ask any leftover in the refrigerator....

Soooooo, today I stopped and bought two plants... One is a little Ivy plant... I introduced him to my family... I will love him and squeeze him and hug him and I shall call him George, I told my family....My girls just looked at me, shook their heads and said I was weird. My son laughed, nice Looney Toon reference Mom, he said. The other plant is a small rock terrarium that I have to start right from seed... Figured I was safe with that one... If it doesn't sprout, I can blame it as bad seeds... Gilbert... His name is Gilbert...

Think I can water them with coffee?????? ....I'll keep you posted as to how well I do with them....

UPDATE: George is still alive! YAY ME!!  On the other hand, nothing from Gilbert... But hey, no news is good news right? Gilbert might just be a shy one... right????

The Naming of "The Toxic Dump"

A friend sent me a message on Facebook, "How's the toxic dump doing today?" she asked (  While in parentheses she says, sorry, just a little dark humor there. )  I started to giggle... "Toxic Dump" it makes me think of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... and their little rat boss Master Splinter... Let's see, there's Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michaelangelo. I guess I can be the fifth mutant ninja turtle... just call me Picasso! ahahahahahahaha! 

The more thought I gave to online journaling, the more I thought about that conversation and why not call my journey "The Toxic Dump"? It just seems so fitting, because seriously, what other disease can you pump yourself full of toxic... to the point of killing you? Get 50+ shades of green just to make you better...?  Which really ties in with my post below.

 January 21

After my pet scan was over, the tech told me that I'd still have radiation in my system. Not a problem she had said, unless I was planning on crossing the border or getting on an airplane and flying.... Nah, I said, I'm just going home... Into my bathroom, with all the lights out... I want to see if I glow... lol, I think that the tech thought I was crazy....

Accept and Let Go

Accept What Is... Let go of What Was... and have faith in What Will Be...

The Diagnosis

January 20

So after some conversations with a few friends, I decided that I may as well come clean and 'fess up....

Just before Christmas, I was diagnosed with Stage 3a lung cancer. For this past month I have been jumping through hoops, having a CT, a biopsy, a PET scan and this coming Thursday I see an oncologist...

Chemo is what has been suggested as my course of treatment.

I am not afraid, I've been down this road with my grandparents. The hardest part, I think, is watching friends and family come to grips with this.

Online I go by Sisu... Sisu is a Finnish word that means gutsy, strong, determined and stubborn... Most definitely me... I intend to live up to my nickname and not only fight but win with every ounce of energy that I have...

The comment I made to a friend is that this is like a roller coaster ride ( and I love roller coasters ) ... Do you know how I ride roller coasters? By throwing my arms up in the air and screaming "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" So, if any of you are interested in coming along for the ride... I appreciate any and all support and prayers...

Karin (aka ~ Sisu )