February 17
A day in the life of the Toxic Dump: ( May be offensive
to some, read at your own peril)
So today I went to see my family doctor
to get my scripts renewed.... "Been getting lots of reports on you", he
said... "How are you doing?" Ooooooh, Dr. P..... Where do I begin....?
"My blood pressure clocked in at 112/84", I say.. "That's good," he
replied... Ya well, riddle me this Batman... "How come when I have my BP
checked at the Cancer Center, it's always high...?" He never gave me an
answer to that one... The shot... let me tell you about the shot..... The shot I say is horrendous... I
felt great after chemo... felt great the next day... until late that
afternoon... when I got the shot... That's when it all went to hell, I
tell him with tears in my eyes.... Heart burn... the heart burn is
horrible... horrendous... Everything I eat stops at the boobs... "What?"
he says... " Everything I eat stops at the boobs" I reply slowly and
clearly... "Food... stop at the boobs... Water... stops at the boobs...
My pills... Yup... stops at the boobs... and there it sits... everything
at the boobs... It took me a freaking half hour last night to choke
down a banana... and guess where it stopped??? The BOOBS!!! I swear...
If I could just pull on a boob to open the flood gate and let everything
go down... I'd be a happy girl... " My poor doctor... He looked like he
didn't know whether he should laugh or cry....
Two
weeks ago, I
continue... they weighed me at the CC... well crud... I had gained 3
pounds... Today I get weighed... and guess what...? I've lost 4
pounds... Now how can that be? I'm also constipated...! I tell him, "I
bet
that 4 pounds is more likely closer to 10 pounds... but remember... I
have everything still sitting at the boobs... and... how in the heck CAN
I be constipated when everything is sitting at the boobs... ?? What???
What?, I say... oh yea, that's the crickets I hear chirping... I took
Milk of Magnesia last night, I tell him... Tummy's cramping... it's
sooooooo close... but NOOOOOOoo, not yet... Let me tell you... when it
finally breaks loose, I'm gonna rival NASA... I know I"m gonna lift
off... Why.... I'd wager a guess that I could even launch a satellite
for them....!" I tell him I keep checking my belly button... "Why's
that?" he asks... "Because, I reply... If something doesn't give here
soon, I'm pretty sure it's going to start oozing out the belly
button.... " Might I say, he looked at me like I was a bit daft in the
head??? Anyway, he wrote my scripts out... including one for heart
burn... and.... Drinking water is good for you I'm told. It helps wash
everything through. I'm drinking so much water... holy crap... I pee
clear...
Why, I'm drinking so much water that I'm going to be declared the sixth
great lake!!!!!
This is my story... and I'm sticking to it.......
If everything is stopping at your boobs, you won't have to worry about insurance or wigs; with HHH's you can be a porn star or a circus freak - either way, you're set! Hope you can appreciate my very twisted humor! <3<3<3 Hugs!
ReplyDeleteIt was me, Laura - don't know why it's showing up as Maurina????????
ReplyDeleteThat's going to be my new saying!!
ReplyDelete