Reflections

So a dear friend put this video on my Facebook page today. It made me cry... it was very humbling to think that I have touched someone in a way that they see me as a strong woman... There are many days that I feel so weak and insecure and questioning... Will I survive this?....  Can I do this?... Why do they think I'm so strong when in truth I'm quaking inside?... and why do I deserve this when at the Cancer Center I see so many more who really appear more stronger to me.... More deserving of admiration....

Like those who come for treatments in wheelchairs. To weak to walk in on their own, looking so frail and sickly... Would I be able to carry on if I were like that?... I'd like to think I would.  There was a man there yesterday, I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him... He was so thin, and pale, you knew he was cold by the thick, heavy afghan that he was covered up with .... and he just had a look on his face that made me want to go over and hug him.... Time and again my eyes kept being drawn to him..  Watching him with his sad expression, staring off into space.... I often wondered what he was thinking about.

Last time I was there for my round of chemo I met this really nice lady. I was working on my color pencil drawing and found that she's an artist as well. We got to talking and ended up exchanging phone numbers. She had to go in for a blood transfusion because her hemoglobin count was so low. I had sent her a couple of texts, to see how she was doing but had never heard from her. We met up again

yesterday and I found out that she had been in the hospital because she had come down with pneumonia. This is her third bout of cancer, the first time she had it, she was only 14 and was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It was put into remission, but then when she was in her 20's, she was diagnosed with a different type of cancer. Now at 50, her Hodgkin's is back. She looks so tired, I met her sister yesterday and her sister says that this one is taking so much out of her. It shows.... Now she... she is my hero....

And if you're in the mood to read about another hero, please, check out Jamie's Warrior Page. You'll find the link off to the right side of my blog. Another little lady truly deserving of admiration......

My life force.... Yes what you see is a part of my treatment.... Like a little electric car plugged in for a recharge.... Little toxins that you hope will kill off the cancer and keep you going... Can you feel it going into you?... Can you feel the tumor shrinking?... the cancer cells dying off?... I like to think I can..... Hmmm, now I sound like the little engine that could... I think I can, I think I can........  Yes indeed, I know I can!!!

So my mom took another picture today... My treatments hadn't started as of yet... but we grabbed the window seat to bask in the early morning sun... It was heavenly.... too bad it was so cold outside yet, deceiving to say the least. But, I was enjoying the warmth of the sun non-the-less.... I must say, I am excited... 3 treatments down and 3 to go... AND...
and after my next treatment, I get to go back for new scans to see what's happening... With the way that I've been feeling... I have high hopes that we're going to see a positive change!

Today I'm getting ready for the dreaded shot... I hate that damn thing... It's makes me feel blah... achey... my only consolation is that it only lasts for a day or two and then I'm good to go... I feel so bad for the people who have it hit them hard... so I'll not complain....

As always, thank you so much for your support, you haven't any idea of how much it means to me. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog... and add your comments or send a prayer... I truly appreciate you all!  Love and Hugs..... Karin

Another Selfie Kind of Day.......

What a sneaky little lady Miss Nina Kratky Ford is!  A week or so ago I get a message from Miss Nina... she asks for my address and then wanted to know whether I had pierced ears or not... Uh I do... two holes in each ear as a matter of fact... But I haven't worn earrings in years.... seriously... I'm talking years here.... I didn't even know if the holes were still open or not...

So today... I go get the mail... Hmmmm, what's this... a package... from Cay.... I get home and open it up... OH MY! A head scarf!  and... OWLS!!!!  I giggled... I cried!!  and then... wait... what else.... OOOOOOH.... earrings! OWLS!!!!  I continued giggling and crying... My youngest thought I was crazy!   Went into the bathroom... cleaned my ears... cleaned my earrings... found a second pair of earrings...Holy crap! The holes are still there!!! Put in earrings...  Put on my scarf...  (still have to work at getting it right )... but... it was then time for a ..... SELFIE!!!!!!  lol, I confess... I really hate having my picture taken... no matter if by my hands or someone else...

So anyway... here it is.,.. Now I look like a gypsy lady... a fat gypsy lady though.... Holy crap! I take awful pictures.... But... I won't complain anymore.... because... at least I'm ALIVE to have a picture taken!!!  lol 

Thank you Cay, you made my day!!!  Love you!!!!! 

March 10

They say that good friends are the family that you choose... I firmly believe this! I met Cary Ryerson while we were attending UM~ Flint... We had several art classes together... Cary and I graduated in 2004 and he has since moved to Oregon with his partner Robert C. Goble... They are my family, they are my brothers and I miss them terribly.... Cary is quite the knitter and when he found out about my diagnosis... He

promptly made me two hats... I love them!!! So of course... I just had to do a selfie! Thank You Cary! I sure love you, Robert and Charlotte... and when this is all behind me... I am coming out to see you and your new digs!!!!

Round 2 ~ Is it a KO?

 March 2

The hair is falling out big time, not in clumps, but more like shedding here and there. The back of my
sweatshirt looked like a fuzzy sweater and I was losing more hair than any of our animals combined. I was even losing more than the two parakeets who are molting!

So my mom, who came over for dinner, grabbed the scissors and started cutting my hair.... "It will be easier to shave" she said.  Of course after she was done, she just HAD to grab her Kindle and take a picture....

"HOLY CRAP MOM! I look like a CANCER PATIENT!!!............   Oh wait.... I AM a cancer patient.....   *sigh.... "

March 5

Chemo Day! Round 2.... Two down and Four

to go! YAY!  I feel great! I'm ready to go
out dancing...! I am dreading getting that
stinking shot tomorrow.......; *sigh....

Mom came with me again... and yes... she
took another picture... And yes... she was
just as chatty... "I'm shy" she tells people
and then proceeds to talk.. and talk.. and
.... well, you get the idea...

So I'm sitting there, playing on my
Kindle Fire... My mom has disappeared,15 minutes
pass, no mom....Half an hour passes...still no mom...
At the 45 minute mark, I get a message from mom on
Facebook..."Sisu, are you still there?" she types.   "Ah
yea", I type back... "Where are you?" "Oh", she types,
"sitting on the other side of the post, talking to these
people..."  *sigh... Did I mention? My Mom is
Chatty Kathy?????.........

Selfie!!!!!!!

Took another selfie today.... Had to show you. I CAN have BED HEAD yet and I have the picture to prove it!!!!!  Do you realize just how hard it is to untangle those tassels in the morning??????..... Just saying....

And..... what a weird morning this morning was... Alarm starts ringing... I wake up... Alarm goes off... I put on my glasses, grab my phone and head for the bathroom...

Go pee, wash my hands... brush my teeth... and...the alarm goes off... wait.. that's not my alarm... It's hubby's... I grab my phone and look at the time... *sigh... It's 3:45 am.. my alarm is set for 6:50 am... *sigh... I crawled back in bed...

Woke up again... my youngest has come into my bathroom.... After she leaves, I stumble to the bathroom... pee again.... wash my hands again....  brush my teeth again... get the rest of my clothes together that I didn't get together the first time I was up.... Wait... why hasn't my alarm gone off??? I grab my phone... again... look at the time... WTH???  It's 5:57 am... I still have almost an hour to sleep...

Alarm FINALLY goes off.... I go to the bathroom.... pee AGAIN....wash hands... AGAIN....  brush my teeth... AGAIN.... Geez, I have the cleanest teeth and hands  in town today.....!!!!