Reflections

So a dear friend put this video on my Facebook page today. It made me cry... it was very humbling to think that I have touched someone in a way that they see me as a strong woman... There are many days that I feel so weak and insecure and questioning... Will I survive this?....  Can I do this?... Why do they think I'm so strong when in truth I'm quaking inside?... and why do I deserve this when at the Cancer Center I see so many more who really appear more stronger to me.... More deserving of admiration....

Like those who come for treatments in wheelchairs. To weak to walk in on their own, looking so frail and sickly... Would I be able to carry on if I were like that?... I'd like to think I would.  There was a man there yesterday, I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him... He was so thin, and pale, you knew he was cold by the thick, heavy afghan that he was covered up with .... and he just had a look on his face that made me want to go over and hug him.... Time and again my eyes kept being drawn to him..  Watching him with his sad expression, staring off into space.... I often wondered what he was thinking about.

Last time I was there for my round of chemo I met this really nice lady. I was working on my color pencil drawing and found that she's an artist as well. We got to talking and ended up exchanging phone numbers. She had to go in for a blood transfusion because her hemoglobin count was so low. I had sent her a couple of texts, to see how she was doing but had never heard from her. We met up again

yesterday and I found out that she had been in the hospital because she had come down with pneumonia. This is her third bout of cancer, the first time she had it, she was only 14 and was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It was put into remission, but then when she was in her 20's, she was diagnosed with a different type of cancer. Now at 50, her Hodgkin's is back. She looks so tired, I met her sister yesterday and her sister says that this one is taking so much out of her. It shows.... Now she... she is my hero....

And if you're in the mood to read about another hero, please, check out Jamie's Warrior Page. You'll find the link off to the right side of my blog. Another little lady truly deserving of admiration......

My life force.... Yes what you see is a part of my treatment.... Like a little electric car plugged in for a recharge.... Little toxins that you hope will kill off the cancer and keep you going... Can you feel it going into you?... Can you feel the tumor shrinking?... the cancer cells dying off?... I like to think I can..... Hmmm, now I sound like the little engine that could... I think I can, I think I can........  Yes indeed, I know I can!!!

So my mom took another picture today... My treatments hadn't started as of yet... but we grabbed the window seat to bask in the early morning sun... It was heavenly.... too bad it was so cold outside yet, deceiving to say the least. But, I was enjoying the warmth of the sun non-the-less.... I must say, I am excited... 3 treatments down and 3 to go... AND...
and after my next treatment, I get to go back for new scans to see what's happening... With the way that I've been feeling... I have high hopes that we're going to see a positive change!

Today I'm getting ready for the dreaded shot... I hate that damn thing... It's makes me feel blah... achey... my only consolation is that it only lasts for a day or two and then I'm good to go... I feel so bad for the people who have it hit them hard... so I'll not complain....

As always, thank you so much for your support, you haven't any idea of how much it means to me. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog... and add your comments or send a prayer... I truly appreciate you all!  Love and Hugs..... Karin