Happy Dancing!

Tomorrow will be 7 weeks since my last round of chemo. My hair is coming back... I look like Fuzzy Wuzzy..... I can't wait to see what my hair will look like... Every day I scrutinize myself... yes.. the fuzz isn't so light now... Yes, my hair is soft... My kids will come up to me and rub my head....

"Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear... " they say...  "Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair..." they continue...  "Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he??" I finish with a grin.... Think I'm going to tell them to stop? lol, heck NO! I'm getting a scalp massage..... It's heavenly!!!

So last Thursday I went for a new PET scan.... This morning, my oncologist gave me a call....  "Your PET scan is looking great"  she says....  I hold my breath...

"Yes" she continues, "I'm really happy..  The tumor in your right lung has shrunk even more"...  When I started this journey, I had an 8.2 centimeter tumor on my right lung... Today, my doctor tells me that it has shrunk to 6 centimeters...  WOOHOO!!!

I am starting to do the "Happy Dance"!  But that's not all, my doctor says...  The spot on your left lung.... which was .7 centimeters at the beginning.. Had shrunk to .4 centimeters after my 4th round of chemo...  is gone... Yes, you read that right.... For the sake of being boring....

I'll repeat myself...

The cancer in my left lung.... Is GONE!!!!! WHOOT! WHOOT! WHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forget the Happy Dance! I'm Tap Dancing on the ceiling!!! Thank you GOD!!  Thank YOU everyone for all your thoughts and prayers... It is working!!!!

Now 'scuse me.... I have some more dancing to do!!

~Karin aka SISU!

Me, Myself and I

Last night I was able to have a much needed, long overdo, conversation with myself. It was then that I realized... I have 3 voices in my head...Me, Myself and I.... and I have missed talking with them and listening to their thoughts.. Am I crazy...?..... Not at all... I even answered myself a few times... because you see; I am my own best friend... I like and I am very comfortable with myself. Besides, who knows me best, but Me, Myself and I!? Plus, I didn't want to hear someones opinion,  what their thoughts are or any ideas... Nope, not this time.. This time I needed to hear me... Just me, myself and I....

Yes, I came to some decisions, decisions that I've looked at or briefly thought about, but I really forced myself to face some things in my conversation. And then it was like >>>>> Squirrel >>>>  and the next thing I knew,  my thoughts would take me in a totally new direction.

 This is my oldest daughter.... She got her tattoo last night and this is what she said: New tattoo. For my mom, auntie, and grandpa. My hereos. White ribbon is for lung cancer, purple is for against domestic abuse. Says "No one fights alone."


Which led me to dwell on the word "hero". I'm not a hero. A hero, by definition, is someone who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. You know, like a firefighter or a police officer or a soldier... Someone who deliberately signs up to put their life on the line... That is NOT me... I'm selfish... there isn't any freaking way that I would ever sign up for those careers... There isn't any way I would EVER sign up to have cancer... HELL NO!!! Selfish, that would be me... So in getting through this diagnosis, I am merely doing what needs to be done... Which is why is felt so good to have that conversation with Me, Myself and I. Not surprisingly... We were all in agreement.

My advice...? Don't look back with regrets... look back and take the lessons learned.... I'm facing the unknown and what lies before me... I'm not looking to the past... Been there, done that... I need to know what's coming next.. and maybe... somewhere in my future, I can get another tattoo... But that's on hold as long as I'm on the maintenance portion of my treatment, which unfortunately, can be forever..... But you know what?.... We're perfectly okay with that!

LAST ONE and DONE!!!!!!

Last week I saw my oncologist... I was soooooo happy, all my blood work came back looking great! All set to go into my last round of chemo.... Doc asked me how I was feeling.... I looked at her stupidly... "With my hands", I replied.... "I'm curious... how do YOU feel"?.... ahahahahahahaha! I couldn't help myself.. I was giddy! I was happy!! I was EXCITED!!! and I told her so... "I can't wait!!!" I said... "I can't wait to see when my hair will grow back... I can't wait to see what my hair will look like.." Laughing, she told me that I probably wouldn't know much until more towards the end of Summer.. "That's okay," I said... "I'll be watching... and waiting...."

I practically skipped out of the room that day, got into the elevator.... I was the only one in there.... Pushed the button for the first floor... Or did I?.... I waited... could have sworn that stinking elevator went down... The elevator stopped...  or so I thought; doors opened... and out I skip~ um walked... right back on the second floor... I'm still confused, I really swear that elevator went down!!!! and geesh... did I feel like an idiot.... and KNOW that I looked like one!!

This is it!! Today I'm done with chemo!! WOOHOO!!!! .....Because I'm happy ....Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth...Because I'm happy... Clap along if you know what happiness is to you........ Yup! I love that song!! and... best of all... That means that tomorrow is my last stinking shot! Have I mentioned? I HATE THAT SHOT!!!

First Round of Chemo: February 12, 2014

Day 105: Sixth and Final Round of Chemo


Final Round of Chemo: May 28, 2014

Day 1: No Hair Yet!!!

George and Gilbert Update

So if you check back to one of my earlier posts, I tell the story of George and Gilbert...They're my plants that a friend of mine told me to tend to.... that they would be a part of my healing...

Let me tell you about Gilbert... He's one bad seed for sure... I waited patiently for a month... watering him... but nothing... then I bought some new seeds and planted them.... and waited... and nothing.... Then one day here recently, I looked at Gilbert... Holy Cow! He's sprouting... now... at this point... I can't remember what the original seeds were... the second set of seeds that I planted are Lavender... So it will be interesting to see what I'm going to get....

As for George.... George was doing great... and I upgraded him to a new pot... George continued to grow, so I again upgraded him to his current pot... About a week later... George wasn't looking to good... I felt the soil... Hmmm, not wet, yet not dry... slightly moist? So I watered him... ah better.... except... George continued to look bad... Well crud...... This has been going on for about three weeks now... George is simply not looking too good...

The other day I was talking to my daughter.... "Mom", she said... "George isn't looking too good....."  "I know" I replied... "I don't get it... I haven't changed my watering habits with him... I just don't understand why George isn't doing well..." I looked at my daughter.... She had a funny look on her face.... "Oooh", she said... "I've been watering George too..."...   *sigh... well that explains it... Poor George is getting a wee bit too much water.... Last night my son chimes in... "Mom, how come your plant looks awful... I've been watering him... but it isn't helping.... "  WHAT!!!!!! Both my daughter and I spun around to look at my son... WELL CRAP!!! No wonder George looks horrible.... We're drowning him!!!! It's a wonder he hasn't died!!!!!!  That's it... I quit watering George... I told the kids to decide which one of them was going to water George... and as for me... I'll just continue to talk to George and ask him to please not die.... I'll even give him a life saver if that will help!!!!

Rounds 4 and 5

As I sit here typing the title... Rounds 4 and 5... it makes me think of being in a boxing match... and I guess in a sense I am... In one corner... Me... in the other corner, Cancer... Who will win?? Well of course in my mind... I win every time! It's been a while since I've posted... I've been spending my time regrouping and focusing.. I was approved for disability, had a new CT which shows that my tumor has shrunk somewhat. Those are great things..

I have one more round of chemo to go.. then I'll go on an every three week maintenance plan where I'll receive one of my chemo drugs... My doc feels that the tumor will continue shrinking, so that's great news as well... I cried when I received my letter that said I would receive disability... Through my tears I wailed... "The government thinks I'm going to die.." But as I continued reading my letter I came to a point where it said that I would be re-evaluated in 5-7 years... which at that point I again wailed "but the government thinks I'm going to live another 7 years!!" Lol... Just no pleasing me eh?

 I just want to say that I truly appreciate those of you who are with me on this journey. I appreciate the thoughts, prayers, cards and gifts that you've sent.

Not too mention all your words of encouragement, for drying my tears when they fall... You all help me to continue picking my feet up and keep moving forward. So for now I'll shut up and share with you some selfies... Usually my mom is with me on chemo day but she had something come up and couldn't be with me for last week's chemo. So I ended up taking my picture instead... Peek-A-Boo!

Reflections

So a dear friend put this video on my Facebook page today. It made me cry... it was very humbling to think that I have touched someone in a way that they see me as a strong woman... There are many days that I feel so weak and insecure and questioning... Will I survive this?....  Can I do this?... Why do they think I'm so strong when in truth I'm quaking inside?... and why do I deserve this when at the Cancer Center I see so many more who really appear more stronger to me.... More deserving of admiration....

Like those who come for treatments in wheelchairs. To weak to walk in on their own, looking so frail and sickly... Would I be able to carry on if I were like that?... I'd like to think I would.  There was a man there yesterday, I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him... He was so thin, and pale, you knew he was cold by the thick, heavy afghan that he was covered up with .... and he just had a look on his face that made me want to go over and hug him.... Time and again my eyes kept being drawn to him..  Watching him with his sad expression, staring off into space.... I often wondered what he was thinking about.

Last time I was there for my round of chemo I met this really nice lady. I was working on my color pencil drawing and found that she's an artist as well. We got to talking and ended up exchanging phone numbers. She had to go in for a blood transfusion because her hemoglobin count was so low. I had sent her a couple of texts, to see how she was doing but had never heard from her. We met up again

yesterday and I found out that she had been in the hospital because she had come down with pneumonia. This is her third bout of cancer, the first time she had it, she was only 14 and was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It was put into remission, but then when she was in her 20's, she was diagnosed with a different type of cancer. Now at 50, her Hodgkin's is back. She looks so tired, I met her sister yesterday and her sister says that this one is taking so much out of her. It shows.... Now she... she is my hero....

And if you're in the mood to read about another hero, please, check out Jamie's Warrior Page. You'll find the link off to the right side of my blog. Another little lady truly deserving of admiration......

My life force.... Yes what you see is a part of my treatment.... Like a little electric car plugged in for a recharge.... Little toxins that you hope will kill off the cancer and keep you going... Can you feel it going into you?... Can you feel the tumor shrinking?... the cancer cells dying off?... I like to think I can..... Hmmm, now I sound like the little engine that could... I think I can, I think I can........  Yes indeed, I know I can!!!

So my mom took another picture today... My treatments hadn't started as of yet... but we grabbed the window seat to bask in the early morning sun... It was heavenly.... too bad it was so cold outside yet, deceiving to say the least. But, I was enjoying the warmth of the sun non-the-less.... I must say, I am excited... 3 treatments down and 3 to go... AND...
and after my next treatment, I get to go back for new scans to see what's happening... With the way that I've been feeling... I have high hopes that we're going to see a positive change!

Today I'm getting ready for the dreaded shot... I hate that damn thing... It's makes me feel blah... achey... my only consolation is that it only lasts for a day or two and then I'm good to go... I feel so bad for the people who have it hit them hard... so I'll not complain....

As always, thank you so much for your support, you haven't any idea of how much it means to me. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog... and add your comments or send a prayer... I truly appreciate you all!  Love and Hugs..... Karin

Another Selfie Kind of Day.......

What a sneaky little lady Miss Nina Kratky Ford is!  A week or so ago I get a message from Miss Nina... she asks for my address and then wanted to know whether I had pierced ears or not... Uh I do... two holes in each ear as a matter of fact... But I haven't worn earrings in years.... seriously... I'm talking years here.... I didn't even know if the holes were still open or not...

So today... I go get the mail... Hmmmm, what's this... a package... from Cay.... I get home and open it up... OH MY! A head scarf!  and... OWLS!!!!  I giggled... I cried!!  and then... wait... what else.... OOOOOOH.... earrings! OWLS!!!!  I continued giggling and crying... My youngest thought I was crazy!   Went into the bathroom... cleaned my ears... cleaned my earrings... found a second pair of earrings...Holy crap! The holes are still there!!! Put in earrings...  Put on my scarf...  (still have to work at getting it right )... but... it was then time for a ..... SELFIE!!!!!!  lol, I confess... I really hate having my picture taken... no matter if by my hands or someone else...

So anyway... here it is.,.. Now I look like a gypsy lady... a fat gypsy lady though.... Holy crap! I take awful pictures.... But... I won't complain anymore.... because... at least I'm ALIVE to have a picture taken!!!  lol 

Thank you Cay, you made my day!!!  Love you!!!!! 

March 10

They say that good friends are the family that you choose... I firmly believe this! I met Cary Ryerson while we were attending UM~ Flint... We had several art classes together... Cary and I graduated in 2004 and he has since moved to Oregon with his partner Robert C. Goble... They are my family, they are my brothers and I miss them terribly.... Cary is quite the knitter and when he found out about my diagnosis... He

promptly made me two hats... I love them!!! So of course... I just had to do a selfie! Thank You Cary! I sure love you, Robert and Charlotte... and when this is all behind me... I am coming out to see you and your new digs!!!!

Round 2 ~ Is it a KO?

 March 2

The hair is falling out big time, not in clumps, but more like shedding here and there. The back of my
sweatshirt looked like a fuzzy sweater and I was losing more hair than any of our animals combined. I was even losing more than the two parakeets who are molting!

So my mom, who came over for dinner, grabbed the scissors and started cutting my hair.... "It will be easier to shave" she said.  Of course after she was done, she just HAD to grab her Kindle and take a picture....

"HOLY CRAP MOM! I look like a CANCER PATIENT!!!............   Oh wait.... I AM a cancer patient.....   *sigh.... "

March 5

Chemo Day! Round 2.... Two down and Four

to go! YAY!  I feel great! I'm ready to go
out dancing...! I am dreading getting that
stinking shot tomorrow.......; *sigh....

Mom came with me again... and yes... she
took another picture... And yes... she was
just as chatty... "I'm shy" she tells people
and then proceeds to talk.. and talk.. and
.... well, you get the idea...

So I'm sitting there, playing on my
Kindle Fire... My mom has disappeared,15 minutes
pass, no mom....Half an hour passes...still no mom...
At the 45 minute mark, I get a message from mom on
Facebook..."Sisu, are you still there?" she types.   "Ah
yea", I type back... "Where are you?" "Oh", she types,
"sitting on the other side of the post, talking to these
people..."  *sigh... Did I mention? My Mom is
Chatty Kathy?????.........

Selfie!!!!!!!

Took another selfie today.... Had to show you. I CAN have BED HEAD yet and I have the picture to prove it!!!!!  Do you realize just how hard it is to untangle those tassels in the morning??????..... Just saying....

And..... what a weird morning this morning was... Alarm starts ringing... I wake up... Alarm goes off... I put on my glasses, grab my phone and head for the bathroom...

Go pee, wash my hands... brush my teeth... and...the alarm goes off... wait.. that's not my alarm... It's hubby's... I grab my phone and look at the time... *sigh... It's 3:45 am.. my alarm is set for 6:50 am... *sigh... I crawled back in bed...

Woke up again... my youngest has come into my bathroom.... After she leaves, I stumble to the bathroom... pee again.... wash my hands again....  brush my teeth again... get the rest of my clothes together that I didn't get together the first time I was up.... Wait... why hasn't my alarm gone off??? I grab my phone... again... look at the time... WTH???  It's 5:57 am... I still have almost an hour to sleep...

Alarm FINALLY goes off.... I go to the bathroom.... pee AGAIN....wash hands... AGAIN....  brush my teeth... AGAIN.... Geez, I have the cleanest teeth and hands  in town today.....!!!!  

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow........

So the day has finally come.... the hair is leaving...  Does it bother me....? Naaaaah..... I have always hated working on my hair, it seems to me that it has always had a mind of it's own. It does what it wants to do. For me to get it to do what I want... I have to use a ton of gel and hair spray....  Then I become woman with the iron hair... a dangerous woman if I could ever figure out how to use it against someone...
So I decided to come up with two top ten lists. The first list is why I won't miss having my hair, the second list will be what I miss about not having hair.

10 Reasons Why I Don't Miss My Hair

10. Can polish my head and send signals

 9.  Can get a tattoo on my head
 8.  Can paint my head to match my outfit
 7.  I can now style it my way!
 6.  No more gray
 5.  No need for a hair trim every 6 weeks
 4.  No brushing my hair
 3.  Don't have to use hairspray
 2.  Don't have to use a gel
 1.  NO BED HEAD!

10 Reasons Why I Miss My Hair

10. See Reason #1
  9. See Reason #1
  8. See Reason #1
  7. See Reason #1
  6. See Reason #1
  5. See Reason #1
  4. See Reason #1
  3. See Reason #1
  2. See Reason #1
  1. SEE OTHER LIST!

Be Strong, Stay Positive

Don't give up,

Don't give in.
Don't let the fear & negativity win.

I've already become a statistic with my diagnosis. I refuse to add to that statistic by succumbing to this disease. Instead, I'll become the survival rate statistic. Sounds much better no?

Lung Cancer does not define who I am,
It is merely a part of who I am.
A survivor is a part of who I have become.

Jamie's Motto.....Some See A Hopeless End, While Others See Endless Hope.