Clap On... Clap Off... The Clapper......!

So my herbalist says that she can see things are changing... she can see it in my eyes... Good

thing she knows what she's looking at... I stare intently into my eyes... and all I see is myself staring intently into my eyes.... She then told me to get a Rebounder.... What the hell is a rebounder? I asked her.... Oh you know, she replied... one of those things you bounce on.... ooooooh, I said, that would be a mini-trampoline in my book...  Yes, she said, bounce on it... but don't let your feet come off it.. Just bounce... several times a day.....

So I bought one.... Pro-Form.... ahahahahahahaha! Yea right!!!!

She certainly doesn't have to worry about my feet coming off of it... Did I mention..? I am not graceful...? Nope... no way.... not happening...  I am still losing my balance just bouncing...

My family laughs at me... Except my dog... she loves me... she likes to

bounce with me...  But I have learned.... Do not bounce without a bra on.... My boobs sound like clappers.... And wobbly ones at that....

*sigh... Off now to go put on a bra...

Into the Second Year

January 30, 2015 

Well, well, well... Here we are one year later. Still battling the beast. I can't believe it's been a year already. My how time flies when you're having fun. NOT!!

My PET scan from the 19th shows that the tumor continues to grow. The good news though, it's my only spot. The left lung remains clear. The Tarceva that I was on did nothing other than giving me awful side effects.

So I'm done. Not with my fight. Oh no, I am still fighting the beast. I'm just not continuing with

traditional medicine.

I am officially taking... A Leap of Faith!

February 6, 2015

Since my initial diagnosis, I have spent the last year researching alternative treatments. Something that has bothered me from day one is that any form of chemo also attacks healthy cells as well. I need those healthy cells if I want to survive this!

In my searching I came across Cannabis Oil as a form of treatment, so in April of 2014, I applied for my Medical Marijuana Card and got started on that.

Originally, my tumor did shrink and the cancer in my left lung had disappeared, so I thought that maybe I was on to something. However, by Fall, my tumor was growing once again.

My oncologist recommended the drug Taxol every three weeks through my port. It's a rough chemo drug she informed me. NO!... I am NOT doing it!! I am DONE with chemo...! Period...! End Of Story...!!!

In fact, a week ago this past Thursday I went in and had the damn port removed. That port had been in for 360 days and there was NOT one day that went by that I wasn't aware of it. It always hurt like Hell. The doctor who removed it said it would be a 30 minute procedure; because she said she would have to wiggle it around to break off the scar tissue. It took 15 minutes... After she had it out she remarked that obviously my body didn't want it either because there was no scar tissue build up... at all.

I spent a year doing what my oncologist wanted. Did the chemo, took that damn Neuprogen shot the day after only to have it make me feel awful for several days afterward. Lost my hair... was tired... had heartburn... felt like my esophagus was burned... NO THANK YOU!! Been there... Done that... So over it!

NEVER.. At any time.. Did I EVER say that I had quit fighting!!

So as I've said, I've spent all of last year researching alternatives treatments. Tried the Cannabis Oil with chemo... didn't work... Instead, I've turned to the Chinese/ Japanese Medicine for healing. I am now working with a Reiki practitioner and I have had my initial consultation with a woman who as been practicing Chinese Herbalogy, Iridology, Meditation and Acupuncture for 40 years. I am now working with her... I take a multitude of vitamins, mineral supplements and Chinese herbs. She said it was important for me to go in for blood work and have my vitamin D level checked.. I did... Low and behold, it's low... and... I'm also anemic thanks to that damn chemo pill Tarceva. Talked with my herbalist and picked up two more supplements for that.

I joined a gym the first of the year and work out three days a week. I'm on a very strict diet... My motto is: No meats, no sweets, no wheat and no dairy. Guess what? I'm feeling phenomenal!! And since my original diagnosis back in December of 2013, I have lost 29 pounds and still counting. MY choice, NOT the cancers!!!! The pain that had come back... Gone! I do go April 27th for a new PET scan. So we'll see if my decision has been the correct one or not.

All I can say though is; I don't know for sure if this is the right way and I don't know if this will prolong my life any longer than taking chemo treatments would... But at least I'm not suffering from all the freaking, nasty side effects from chemo...

I suggest reading the book: "Radical Remission" by Kelly Turner... It was the catalyst I needed... If I didn't know better, I would swear that I was interviewed for this book because I saw so much of myself in it.

So my dear supporters, I bravely forge ahead into the unknown... But then, isn't that how life is anyway? Much love to you all; and as always, thank you again for your support... I truly appreciate it!!

The End of The First Year

It has come to my attention that the last time I made a blog post was back in July... Holy crap! Forever ago! So much has happened since then.

My happy dance came to an abrupt end in October when my PET Scan showed that my tumor was growing again. In fact, the tumor was every bit as big, if not bigger, than what it was when I was originally diagnosed. Additionally, a new spot was discovered on the right lung as well.. The good news, this time, my left lung remains clear.....

Coming into November, my oncologist put me on a new treatment. I'm able to take my chemo this time by an oral pill. Yay... no stinking shot....!!!! 150 mg pill once a day, has to be taken an hour before on an empty stomach or two hours after eating... Crap... had to rearrange how I was taking my pills.... Acne... they say I'll have acne like what I had when I was a teen.... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

They LIED!!!!! I NEVER had acne this bad!!!! OH MY GOD!!! I was miserable... in pain... acne on my chest... in my ears... in my hair... on my butt... yes, you read that right.... and my face... OOOOOOOOOh..... it was NOT fun! I ended up taking myself off of the pill... for two weeks... I did go in and see the oncologist... who want me to remain on the pill... but did put me on a lower dose instead... I ended up losing a day and I was concerned as to whether or not I'd be able to pull off Thanksgiving.... Which I did.... it actually turned out beautifully....

It's been over two weeks now... I did stop this pill for 2 days because I had another breakout starting up... Yay, by the third day, things had backed off and I returned to taking my pill...

So my journey isn't over, not by a long shot. I hope you continue along with me... because I don't know about you, but I sure appreciate the company, the support, the prayers.... and well... YOU! From the bottom of my heart.... THANK YOU!!  If you look at the headers above...  ^ You'll see that there is a new tab... It says Year 2 ~ The Fight Continues... If you click on it, it will take you to a new page where I will still be chronicling my journey. Hugs friends and family. I can feel the love!

Happy Dancing!

Tomorrow will be 7 weeks since my last round of chemo. My hair is coming back... I look like Fuzzy Wuzzy..... I can't wait to see what my hair will look like... Every day I scrutinize myself... yes.. the fuzz isn't so light now... Yes, my hair is soft... My kids will come up to me and rub my head....

"Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear... " they say...  "Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair..." they continue...  "Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he??" I finish with a grin.... Think I'm going to tell them to stop? lol, heck NO! I'm getting a scalp massage..... It's heavenly!!!

So last Thursday I went for a new PET scan.... This morning, my oncologist gave me a call....  "Your PET scan is looking great"  she says....  I hold my breath...

"Yes" she continues, "I'm really happy..  The tumor in your right lung has shrunk even more"...  When I started this journey, I had an 8.2 centimeter tumor on my right lung... Today, my doctor tells me that it has shrunk to 6 centimeters...  WOOHOO!!!

I am starting to do the "Happy Dance"!  But that's not all, my doctor says...  The spot on your left lung.... which was .7 centimeters at the beginning.. Had shrunk to .4 centimeters after my 4th round of chemo...  is gone... Yes, you read that right.... For the sake of being boring....

I'll repeat myself...

The cancer in my left lung.... Is GONE!!!!! WHOOT! WHOOT! WHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forget the Happy Dance! I'm Tap Dancing on the ceiling!!! Thank you GOD!!  Thank YOU everyone for all your thoughts and prayers... It is working!!!!

Now 'scuse me.... I have some more dancing to do!!

~Karin aka SISU!

Me, Myself and I

Last night I was able to have a much needed, long overdo, conversation with myself. It was then that I realized... I have 3 voices in my head...Me, Myself and I.... and I have missed talking with them and listening to their thoughts.. Am I crazy...?..... Not at all... I even answered myself a few times... because you see; I am my own best friend... I like and I am very comfortable with myself. Besides, who knows me best, but Me, Myself and I!? Plus, I didn't want to hear someones opinion,  what their thoughts are or any ideas... Nope, not this time.. This time I needed to hear me... Just me, myself and I....

Yes, I came to some decisions, decisions that I've looked at or briefly thought about, but I really forced myself to face some things in my conversation. And then it was like >>>>> Squirrel >>>>  and the next thing I knew,  my thoughts would take me in a totally new direction.

 This is my oldest daughter.... She got her tattoo last night and this is what she said: New tattoo. For my mom, auntie, and grandpa. My hereos. White ribbon is for lung cancer, purple is for against domestic abuse. Says "No one fights alone."


Which led me to dwell on the word "hero". I'm not a hero. A hero, by definition, is someone who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. You know, like a firefighter or a police officer or a soldier... Someone who deliberately signs up to put their life on the line... That is NOT me... I'm selfish... there isn't any freaking way that I would ever sign up for those careers... There isn't any way I would EVER sign up to have cancer... HELL NO!!! Selfish, that would be me... So in getting through this diagnosis, I am merely doing what needs to be done... Which is why is felt so good to have that conversation with Me, Myself and I. Not surprisingly... We were all in agreement.

My advice...? Don't look back with regrets... look back and take the lessons learned.... I'm facing the unknown and what lies before me... I'm not looking to the past... Been there, done that... I need to know what's coming next.. and maybe... somewhere in my future, I can get another tattoo... But that's on hold as long as I'm on the maintenance portion of my treatment, which unfortunately, can be forever..... But you know what?.... We're perfectly okay with that!

LAST ONE and DONE!!!!!!

Last week I saw my oncologist... I was soooooo happy, all my blood work came back looking great! All set to go into my last round of chemo.... Doc asked me how I was feeling.... I looked at her stupidly... "With my hands", I replied.... "I'm curious... how do YOU feel"?.... ahahahahahahaha! I couldn't help myself.. I was giddy! I was happy!! I was EXCITED!!! and I told her so... "I can't wait!!!" I said... "I can't wait to see when my hair will grow back... I can't wait to see what my hair will look like.." Laughing, she told me that I probably wouldn't know much until more towards the end of Summer.. "That's okay," I said... "I'll be watching... and waiting...."

I practically skipped out of the room that day, got into the elevator.... I was the only one in there.... Pushed the button for the first floor... Or did I?.... I waited... could have sworn that stinking elevator went down... The elevator stopped...  or so I thought; doors opened... and out I skip~ um walked... right back on the second floor... I'm still confused, I really swear that elevator went down!!!! and geesh... did I feel like an idiot.... and KNOW that I looked like one!!

This is it!! Today I'm done with chemo!! WOOHOO!!!! .....Because I'm happy ....Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth...Because I'm happy... Clap along if you know what happiness is to you........ Yup! I love that song!! and... best of all... That means that tomorrow is my last stinking shot! Have I mentioned? I HATE THAT SHOT!!!

First Round of Chemo: February 12, 2014

Day 105: Sixth and Final Round of Chemo


Final Round of Chemo: May 28, 2014

Day 1: No Hair Yet!!!

George and Gilbert Update

So if you check back to one of my earlier posts, I tell the story of George and Gilbert...They're my plants that a friend of mine told me to tend to.... that they would be a part of my healing...

Let me tell you about Gilbert... He's one bad seed for sure... I waited patiently for a month... watering him... but nothing... then I bought some new seeds and planted them.... and waited... and nothing.... Then one day here recently, I looked at Gilbert... Holy Cow! He's sprouting... now... at this point... I can't remember what the original seeds were... the second set of seeds that I planted are Lavender... So it will be interesting to see what I'm going to get....

As for George.... George was doing great... and I upgraded him to a new pot... George continued to grow, so I again upgraded him to his current pot... About a week later... George wasn't looking to good... I felt the soil... Hmmm, not wet, yet not dry... slightly moist? So I watered him... ah better.... except... George continued to look bad... Well crud...... This has been going on for about three weeks now... George is simply not looking too good...

The other day I was talking to my daughter.... "Mom", she said... "George isn't looking too good....."  "I know" I replied... "I don't get it... I haven't changed my watering habits with him... I just don't understand why George isn't doing well..." I looked at my daughter.... She had a funny look on her face.... "Oooh", she said... "I've been watering George too..."...   *sigh... well that explains it... Poor George is getting a wee bit too much water.... Last night my son chimes in... "Mom, how come your plant looks awful... I've been watering him... but it isn't helping.... "  WHAT!!!!!! Both my daughter and I spun around to look at my son... WELL CRAP!!! No wonder George looks horrible.... We're drowning him!!!! It's a wonder he hasn't died!!!!!!  That's it... I quit watering George... I told the kids to decide which one of them was going to water George... and as for me... I'll just continue to talk to George and ask him to please not die.... I'll even give him a life saver if that will help!!!!

Rounds 4 and 5

As I sit here typing the title... Rounds 4 and 5... it makes me think of being in a boxing match... and I guess in a sense I am... In one corner... Me... in the other corner, Cancer... Who will win?? Well of course in my mind... I win every time! It's been a while since I've posted... I've been spending my time regrouping and focusing.. I was approved for disability, had a new CT which shows that my tumor has shrunk somewhat. Those are great things..

I have one more round of chemo to go.. then I'll go on an every three week maintenance plan where I'll receive one of my chemo drugs... My doc feels that the tumor will continue shrinking, so that's great news as well... I cried when I received my letter that said I would receive disability... Through my tears I wailed... "The government thinks I'm going to die.." But as I continued reading my letter I came to a point where it said that I would be re-evaluated in 5-7 years... which at that point I again wailed "but the government thinks I'm going to live another 7 years!!" Lol... Just no pleasing me eh?

 I just want to say that I truly appreciate those of you who are with me on this journey. I appreciate the thoughts, prayers, cards and gifts that you've sent.

Not too mention all your words of encouragement, for drying my tears when they fall... You all help me to continue picking my feet up and keep moving forward. So for now I'll shut up and share with you some selfies... Usually my mom is with me on chemo day but she had something come up and couldn't be with me for last week's chemo. So I ended up taking my picture instead... Peek-A-Boo!

Reflections

So a dear friend put this video on my Facebook page today. It made me cry... it was very humbling to think that I have touched someone in a way that they see me as a strong woman... There are many days that I feel so weak and insecure and questioning... Will I survive this?....  Can I do this?... Why do they think I'm so strong when in truth I'm quaking inside?... and why do I deserve this when at the Cancer Center I see so many more who really appear more stronger to me.... More deserving of admiration....

Like those who come for treatments in wheelchairs. To weak to walk in on their own, looking so frail and sickly... Would I be able to carry on if I were like that?... I'd like to think I would.  There was a man there yesterday, I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him... He was so thin, and pale, you knew he was cold by the thick, heavy afghan that he was covered up with .... and he just had a look on his face that made me want to go over and hug him.... Time and again my eyes kept being drawn to him..  Watching him with his sad expression, staring off into space.... I often wondered what he was thinking about.

Last time I was there for my round of chemo I met this really nice lady. I was working on my color pencil drawing and found that she's an artist as well. We got to talking and ended up exchanging phone numbers. She had to go in for a blood transfusion because her hemoglobin count was so low. I had sent her a couple of texts, to see how she was doing but had never heard from her. We met up again

yesterday and I found out that she had been in the hospital because she had come down with pneumonia. This is her third bout of cancer, the first time she had it, she was only 14 and was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It was put into remission, but then when she was in her 20's, she was diagnosed with a different type of cancer. Now at 50, her Hodgkin's is back. She looks so tired, I met her sister yesterday and her sister says that this one is taking so much out of her. It shows.... Now she... she is my hero....

And if you're in the mood to read about another hero, please, check out Jamie's Warrior Page. You'll find the link off to the right side of my blog. Another little lady truly deserving of admiration......

My life force.... Yes what you see is a part of my treatment.... Like a little electric car plugged in for a recharge.... Little toxins that you hope will kill off the cancer and keep you going... Can you feel it going into you?... Can you feel the tumor shrinking?... the cancer cells dying off?... I like to think I can..... Hmmm, now I sound like the little engine that could... I think I can, I think I can........  Yes indeed, I know I can!!!

So my mom took another picture today... My treatments hadn't started as of yet... but we grabbed the window seat to bask in the early morning sun... It was heavenly.... too bad it was so cold outside yet, deceiving to say the least. But, I was enjoying the warmth of the sun non-the-less.... I must say, I am excited... 3 treatments down and 3 to go... AND...
and after my next treatment, I get to go back for new scans to see what's happening... With the way that I've been feeling... I have high hopes that we're going to see a positive change!

Today I'm getting ready for the dreaded shot... I hate that damn thing... It's makes me feel blah... achey... my only consolation is that it only lasts for a day or two and then I'm good to go... I feel so bad for the people who have it hit them hard... so I'll not complain....

As always, thank you so much for your support, you haven't any idea of how much it means to me. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog... and add your comments or send a prayer... I truly appreciate you all!  Love and Hugs..... Karin

Another Selfie Kind of Day.......

What a sneaky little lady Miss Nina Kratky Ford is!  A week or so ago I get a message from Miss Nina... she asks for my address and then wanted to know whether I had pierced ears or not... Uh I do... two holes in each ear as a matter of fact... But I haven't worn earrings in years.... seriously... I'm talking years here.... I didn't even know if the holes were still open or not...

So today... I go get the mail... Hmmmm, what's this... a package... from Cay.... I get home and open it up... OH MY! A head scarf!  and... OWLS!!!!  I giggled... I cried!!  and then... wait... what else.... OOOOOOH.... earrings! OWLS!!!!  I continued giggling and crying... My youngest thought I was crazy!   Went into the bathroom... cleaned my ears... cleaned my earrings... found a second pair of earrings...Holy crap! The holes are still there!!! Put in earrings...  Put on my scarf...  (still have to work at getting it right )... but... it was then time for a ..... SELFIE!!!!!!  lol, I confess... I really hate having my picture taken... no matter if by my hands or someone else...

So anyway... here it is.,.. Now I look like a gypsy lady... a fat gypsy lady though.... Holy crap! I take awful pictures.... But... I won't complain anymore.... because... at least I'm ALIVE to have a picture taken!!!  lol 

Thank you Cay, you made my day!!!  Love you!!!!! 

March 10

They say that good friends are the family that you choose... I firmly believe this! I met Cary Ryerson while we were attending UM~ Flint... We had several art classes together... Cary and I graduated in 2004 and he has since moved to Oregon with his partner Robert C. Goble... They are my family, they are my brothers and I miss them terribly.... Cary is quite the knitter and when he found out about my diagnosis... He

promptly made me two hats... I love them!!! So of course... I just had to do a selfie! Thank You Cary! I sure love you, Robert and Charlotte... and when this is all behind me... I am coming out to see you and your new digs!!!!