Me, Myself and I

Last night I was able to have a much needed, long overdo, conversation with myself. It was then that I realized... I have 3 voices in my head...Me, Myself and I.... and I have missed talking with them and listening to their thoughts.. Am I crazy...?..... Not at all... I even answered myself a few times... because you see; I am my own best friend... I like and I am very comfortable with myself. Besides, who knows me best, but Me, Myself and I!? Plus, I didn't want to hear someones opinion,  what their thoughts are or any ideas... Nope, not this time.. This time I needed to hear me... Just me, myself and I....

Yes, I came to some decisions, decisions that I've looked at or briefly thought about, but I really forced myself to face some things in my conversation. And then it was like >>>>> Squirrel >>>>  and the next thing I knew,  my thoughts would take me in a totally new direction.

 This is my oldest daughter.... She got her tattoo last night and this is what she said: New tattoo. For my mom, auntie, and grandpa. My hereos. White ribbon is for lung cancer, purple is for against domestic abuse. Says "No one fights alone."


Which led me to dwell on the word "hero". I'm not a hero. A hero, by definition, is someone who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. You know, like a firefighter or a police officer or a soldier... Someone who deliberately signs up to put their life on the line... That is NOT me... I'm selfish... there isn't any freaking way that I would ever sign up for those careers... There isn't any way I would EVER sign up to have cancer... HELL NO!!! Selfish, that would be me... So in getting through this diagnosis, I am merely doing what needs to be done... Which is why is felt so good to have that conversation with Me, Myself and I. Not surprisingly... We were all in agreement.

My advice...? Don't look back with regrets... look back and take the lessons learned.... I'm facing the unknown and what lies before me... I'm not looking to the past... Been there, done that... I need to know what's coming next.. and maybe... somewhere in my future, I can get another tattoo... But that's on hold as long as I'm on the maintenance portion of my treatment, which unfortunately, can be forever..... But you know what?.... We're perfectly okay with that!